Chapter One Preview in Full
1: Things to Expect with Special Needs Children
All special needs children will have genetic issues the parents have no control over that can be traced by a family history. In the case of autism, (what my son has), it usually takes about 2-4 years to tell something is wrong. Autism is suspected to be a genetic and environmental disorder at the publishing of this book in the medical world.1 The medical field is working on what genes may be involved. It is a disorder in the brain where speech, behavioral and other areas are shut down or minimized, and so is the ability for the body to produce the needed enzymes or proteins to allow these areas to function normally throughout their life. So, there is a very high possibility that your child will need medication to provide them a way to maintain a fairly normal mindset throughout the day.
Most special needs kids will need to take antidepressants or other behavioral targeted medications to keep them at an even keel. DO NOT be afraid or concerned what others may think, and seek medical advice from a psychiatrist who works with special needs children. Medications can help to bring them back to acceptable behavioral patterns.
When these children are not being helped with the minimum dose of medications that will help control their behavioral issues. They will have behavioral issues, and they will put you and others in danger of injury. I believe that they are mentally aware that they can’t control it, but want to. Remember, that they have a lack of enzymes and/or proteins that allow them to control anger as part of their disability. They can not control their anger without medical intervention. I’ll say it again, they can’t control their anger without medical intervention. Because of this, it must tear them apart inside, and cause even more anger and frustration in them. Why do I think this? Because I see remorse in my own son when he “acts out”, and when he is calmed down, he is sorry he acted that way. Proper medications will help calm your child and hold them at bay with extreme behavioral issues. They will also help your child be obedient without acting out. If your child needs medication as a part of their daily routine to allow them to live in peace mentally, and to control their anger, then you need to consider medications for your special needs child.
If your child needs medications to help control their behavioral issues, you need to seek professional help. And please, do not over medicate them! Start with low doses, and see how it goes. There should be improvements after a week or so. In 6-8 weeks, when you see your child’s psychiatrist for a follow-up visit, discuss what changes you observed. And if the dose needs to remain the same for the next 6-8 weeks, or should it be increased because they still “act out” without an apparent cause. Also, after 3 months, if the medication seems to still have minimal effects, ask your child’s psychiatrist if a different medication may work better. Unfortunately, if this happens, and it is not uncommon to happen, the medication that is not working will have to be decreased in small steps as the new medication is increased in small steps for at least 8-12 weeks, Until the old medication is totally taken off your child’s medication routine.
It will take diligence on your part to observe your child, and know when they need a small increase in medications to keep your child mentally peaceful and happy. It took us about 6 months to know when our son needed an increase in medications. So, be patient in this area.
In my opinion, to have a special needs child that can’t control their anger, (and they can’t), and the parents don’t believe in medication for the child, is an act of cruelty toward that child and child abuse. Why would parents decide to leave their child’s mind in a constant state of frustration and anger, when modern medications are available to control this, is beyond me! This uncontrolled behavior will also cause the parents to be in a constant state of frustration and hopelessness towards their special needs child.
There is a lot in God’s Word about raising a child, and many special needs children can respond to these principles on raising a child, but, it will take them longer to get it. I will look into teaching techniques more in chapter three, four and five.
And with special needs children, the same teaching techniques that are used for other children are also used for special needs children with a few added techniques. You will need cue cards, and maybe sign language to teach your child. Great patience is needed with great love. We will take a look at the techniques in God’s Word on teaching anyone a basic foundation that they can live by everyday.
With your journey, you will grow in the understanding as a parent, and you will grow in patience, because a special needs child needs very understanding and loving parents. Many special needs children will have no speech or limited speech, and as a parent, you will need to learn how to communicate with them with the simplest of phrases, picture cards, or even sign language.
One of first things that through us for loop with our son Nickolas, was the first time he started hitting himself and banged his head on the floor and fireplace hearth. This was the first sign that he had behavioral issues, but we didn’t realize that this anger would change to aggression towards us, or anybody that stopped him from doing what “he” wanted to do. That is, he does take no as an answer, because as with most autistic children, they are very OCD when they want something, anything. Learning how to redirect them can be challenging and doesn’t always work, I will cover this more in chapter five.
One of the biggest things parents have to learn is self discipline with your anger management. You must learn not to “loose it” when they do something wrong, or when they “can’t get it” when you ask them to do something. You will need to find another way for them to understand…. without losing it, or belittling them, and no slapping out of anger or frustration! As a last resort a “controlled response” may work. I will explain this in Chapter 5 under “redirection”.
These kids are very in-tune to the anger in others, and it does affect them. They can get very upset themselves, which will lead to serious and immediate behavioral problems. They may cry, scream, throw things, hit and bite. So it is essential that you, as parents, learn to stay calm and learn how to defuse the situation, you may have to learn how to hold them down without injuring them or you, so they can’t grab or kick. The learning curve can be challenging, and may require help and advice from others who have already been through it. I will also add that incoming bad weather will also effect behavior along with the new and full moons. I am not kidding! A few days before a new moon our son is more secluded and he does not want anyone around him. He is also quick tempered more than other days, so we tread him a bit more lightly. Because, as parents we are the ones to make pay attention to his moods and control how we interact with him on days that he is obviously more sensitive to noise, barometric pressure and other things.
Private or Public Shunning
If your church shames you or shuns any use of needed medications that would help them, I have one question for you. Who are these minsters that feel they most get in your personal family health issues that they have no business being involved in to begin with? I suggest you find a church that keeps it’s agenda to teaching the Word of God, instead of being busy bodies in a family’s medical health issues of which they have no training or expertise.
I can speak with experience, when I was in my teens, my grandmother on my Dads side visited us in Florida. She had planned to stay three weeks with us, and my parents had made arrangements to take her to few shows and other places of interest. About a week later, she had fallen down and broke her hip, but she refused to go a hospital for treatment. Her religious organization she belonged to, did not believe in any medical intervention in any way. After a few days, she asked to be taken to a hospital because the pain was too great for her. The Doctors, after looking at her broken hip, and considering her age, did not recommend surgery because they would have to re-break the hip, and they said that her fragile body would not take that shock again. They made her comfortable with pain killers, and a few weeks later she passed. The Doctors said later, that if she would have been admitted when it happened, they could have taken care of the hip.
God does not want us too suffer like this, if you are unable to believe for any healing, get medical care. Remember, man can only effect symptoms, God has provided our bodies to self-heal, but sometimes we need to “jump start” our bodies with medical care. There is no condemnation in seeking medical help when it is needed.
Another False Religious Belief
There is another type of religious belief that says you need to ask for mercy form God to bless you with good health, but in reality this is begging for God for a blessing. And inside themselves, they really didn’t believe. Because even though they pray sincerely, they say things like “Lord, pour your spirit on me and heal me.” Or, “Lord have pity on us and heal my Dad”. This will put the healing 100% on God, and 0% on themselves. And if they don’t get the blessing, they justify it by saying “well, it must not be Gods Will to bless me with this today.” See how that puts the blame 100% on God?
Jesus Christ had to confront this kind of unbelief also. He knew that the believing of the parents was needed in the case of a minor that needed healing. In the record below, the parents went to the disciples to have their son healed, but nothing happened. So they went to Jesus Christ and explained the situation to him, Jesus Christ knew immediately what the problem was and Jesus Christ said to the parent that they must belief also to have his son healed.
22 And ofttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him: but if thou (Jesus) canst do any thing, have compassion (pity) on us, and help us.
23 Jesus said unto him, If thou (the father of the child) canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
The father said in V22: If you can do anything, have pity on us..
Jesus took that “if you”, and gave it right back to the man. And said in essence to the man…IF YOU can believe, (I know I can believe already), then he will be healed.
The man tried to put the healing of his son 100% on Jesus Christ. But, Jesus Christ put the responsibility of believing right back on the father of the son.
Mark 9:24 (KJV)
24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
Too many Christians ask for Gods mercy to heal or bless them, but asking for mercy is in effect, begging for God to help them in a situation. Just as asking for God to pour His spirit on you to bless you. This is impossible! Because God puts His gift of holy spirit “in” you when you are born again, so you already have His spirit in you now! How can you ask for something you have already been given from God when you where born again? You can’t!
If you put your “need” on God 100% to bless you, then you are not responsible to believe God, so, you can blame God. This was the problem with the father and his sick son. The father did not believe to have his son healed, but asked for mercy from Jesus Christ. In other words, he was begging the disciples to heal his son at first. (Lord PLEASE have mercy on my son, PLEASE heal him from this vexing of his soul, I beg you, PLEASE heal him). Then the father and son went to Jesus Christ to heal his son. This is what the father said to Jesus Christ… “Lord have (if you will have) mercy on my son…” Probably similar to what he said to the disciples earlier.
Mat 17:15 KJV
15 Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water.
Too many Christians today are begging God to bless them, though they don’t know it, and it all sounds sincere, but they will never see genuine results. When all along, all they have to do is “believe” (act) on the promises of God in any way that will put the responsibility of believing back on them. So they can have “faith with works”, so God can bless them.2 And not “faith without works” where no blessing will be realized.
Mark 9:25-27 (KJV)
25 When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, saying unto him, Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him.
26 And the spirit cried, and rent him sore, and came out of him: and he was as one dead; insomuch that many said, He is dead.
27 But Jesus took him by the hand, and lifted him up; and he arose.
The father realized after Jesus Christ reproved his unbelief in Mark 9: 23 -24, that in fact he had to believe for his son to be healed, the father then did believe, and his son was healed.
1 “National Institutes of Health” Autism Spectrum Disorders, accessed November 12, 2014, Section Two, Causes.
2 Jas 2:14-18 KJV 14 What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, 16 And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? 17 Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. 18 Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.